October 06, 2004
Huffencooper Partners, Ltd. Forecasts Rise in Coffee Futures
CHICAGO (October 6, 2004) -- Huffencooper Partners, Ltd. announced its fall commodities forecast, predicting a rise in coffee futures.
"We've noticed that Andrew is drinking a lot more coffee than in the past five quarters," said Tiberius Huffencooper, futures analyst with Huffencooper Partners. "Then again, he's been drinking more caffeinated beverages in general, so we're recommending Coca-Cola stock in the short term as well."
Factors leading to this forecast include Andrew's difficulty waking up, longer evening hours and the stress of the move. Huffencooper noted that this condition would likely last until after the holiday season, if not later into the new year.
"Andrew has said he plans to reduce caffeine consumption, as he did in 2002, once the holidays are over," Huffencooper said. "We'll see if that holds up."
About Huffencooper Partners, Ltd.
Huffencooper Partners is an investment firm specializing in domestic properties. The company's primary holding is Bell Tower, worldwide headquarters of Dead Horse Communications and Poise.cc.
KLOTZ-ANDERSON PLANS REDUCED CAFFEINE CONSUMPTION
Coffee Traders Nervously Await Test Results
JOLIET, ILLINOIS (October 7, 2004) -- Klotz-Anderson Enterprises Inc., purveyors of a broad range of commercial and non-commercial interests in the Lower Des Plaines Valley, today announced it will be greatly curtailing its caffeine consumption during the coming months as part of its recent Procreation Initiative.
"I'd love to keep knocking down two or three large cups of French press from Intelligentsia every day, but my partner says I need to cut back," said Peter Anderson, K-A's Deputy Chairman. "I have to do whatever I can to keep those 'swimmers' lively."
K-A's previous Procreation Initiative, while ultimately successful in terms of lovely little Madeleine, caused a significant glut of coffee beans in world markets, which was attributed to the cessation of the three to four lattes that Julie Anderson, K-A Chairman, consumed every day during her previous employment at Caribou Coffee.
Mr. Anderson said he expects to resume his regular coffee consumption a month from now, assuming implantation proves successful. Ms. Anderson, on the other hand, will be largely caffeine-free for roughly the next year.
Coffee futures at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange slid 9% after K-A's announcement.
Posted by: Pete at October 7, 2004 08:58 AMWow, that pretty much blows our forecast.
Posted by: Andrew at October 7, 2004 09:43 AMSell! Sell! Sell!
Posted by: Pete at October 7, 2004 12:13 PMWhat about sweet, sweet chai? Though perhaps w/o making it so sweet... Black tea has less caffeine than coffee, yes, but I think it'd be a little easier on your system. I can send you my recipe.
Posted by: Rolyat Al-Nomad at October 11, 2004 01:21 PMWell, I am drinking decaf, so it's not as bad as all this sounds. But I'm definitely off the wagon, so to speak.
Now that our stove is hooked up, I'll be making more tea. Provided I get up early enough to boil water (that's been difficult lately, hence the coffee... rinse and repeat).
Posted by: Andrew at October 12, 2004 12:37 PM